OVERDOSE VICTIMS

 

I'm sending these graphic pictures of overdose victims not for shock value, but rather in the hope that you will have a frank discussion with friends and family about respecting moderation, understanding limits, and knowing when to just walk away.

 

 

Basic Rules for Cats Who Have a House to Run

 

This one is for cat people.

Thanks Cherece for the email.

lol

xx Di

 

CHAIRS AND RUGS: If you have to throw up, get into a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug.

If no Oriental rug is available, shag is good.

DOORS: Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get a door opened, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an outside door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, and mosquito season.

GUESTS: Quickly determine which guest hates cats the most. Sit on that human's lap. If you can, arrange to have "Friskies Fish ‘n Glop" on your breath. For sitting on laps or rubbing against clothing, select fabric color which contrasts well with your fur. For example: white furred cats go to black wool clothing. For the guest who claims, "I love kitties," be ready with aloof disdain; apply claws to stockings or use a quick nip on the ankle. When walking among the dishes on the dinner table, be prepared to look surprised and hurt when scolded. The idea is to convey, "But you always allow me on the table when company isn't here." Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It isn't necessary to do anything. Just sit and stare.

WORK: If one of your humans is sewing or writing and another is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called helping, otherwise known as hampering. Following are the rules for hampering: A. When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You can't be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on, picked up and consoled. For book readers, get in close under the chin, between the human's eyes and the book, unless you can lie across the book itself. If it is a news paper, claw at it until shredded.

EATING HABITS AT NIGHT: Remember when you come in during the early hours of the morning after a nice romp in the neighbourhood to make as much noise as possible in order to wake your human slave quick and abrupt. It is most unsettling to be starvingly hungry only to find an empty bowl and a snoring human. If that does not help, climb on top of his/her pillow and start working your way through the hair to get as much nail leverage into the scalp as possible. Never mind the screams. If all else fails, sit on the human’s face, especially after a good, healthy shit, and prepare for a lift off!

Smile Time

 

enjoy the smile…

These are a few funnies I really enjoyed…

 

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however, dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.

It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years--canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the butt of that other cat/dog who lives here. I cannot stress this enough. Thank you..