Paddy

I’m not ready for the hectic week ahead… so here’s silly old Paddy for you this Monday morning. I hope that you all have a super week…
An old Irish farmer's dog goes missing and he's inconsolable. His wife says "Why don't you put an advert in the paper?" He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing. "What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks. "Here boy" he replies. (think I’ll use this as my title to the next missing doggy pic…)  
Paddy goes to the vet with his goldfish. "I think it's got epilepsy" he tells the vet. Vet takes a look and says "It seems calm enough to me". Paddy says, "I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet".  
Paddy spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ". Paddy spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick the bloody thing up.  
Paddy shouts frantically into the phone "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
"No", shouts Paddy, "this is her husband!"  
Paddy was driving home, drunk as a skunk, suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another. A cop car pulls him over as he veers about all over the road. Paddy tells the cop about all the trees in the road. Cop says "For god’s sake Paddy, that's your air freshener swinging about!"  
Paddy's in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet. "What the hell you doing?" he asks.
"Hanging myself" Paddy replies.
"It should be around your neck" says the Guard.
"I know" says Paddy "but I couldn't breathe".  
An answer I can understand.
An American tourist asks an Irishman: "Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?" To which the Irishman replies: "If they fell forwards, they'd still be in the bloody boat."

Smile on Monday?

 

Garfield hates Monday’s – and I probably dislike them as much as him…

Here’s a little smile to start your week…

 

‎​Why PLANNING is important ?

One Night 4 college students were playing till late night and could not study for the test which was scheduled for the next day.

In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty with grease and dirt.

They then went up to the Dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tire of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.

So the Dean said they could have the re-test after 3 days. They thanked him and said they would be ready by that time.

On the third day they appeared before the Dean.

The Dean said that as this was a Special Condition Test, all four were required to sit in separate classrooms for the test.

They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last 3 days.

The Test consisted of 2 questions with a total of 100 Marks.

See Below for the Question Paper:

Q.1. Your Name ........ ........

(2MARKS)

Q.2. Which tire burst?

(98 MARKS)

a) Front Left        b ) Front Right

c) Back Left         d) Back Right

 

Blondes…

‎​Blonde standing at the envelope counter in the post office shouting into an envelope. Guy next to her: "what are you doing?" Blonde: "I'm sending a voice mail..."

 

SERVICE

Are You Confused?

I became confused when I heard the word "Service" used with these agencies:

Internal Revenue 'Service'

Employment 'Service' Canada

Social 'Service'

U.S. or Canada Postal 'Service'

Telephone 'Service'

Cable TV 'Service'

Civil 'Service'

State, City, County & Public 'Service'

Customer 'Service'

This is not what I thought 'Service' meant.

But today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to 'Service' a few cows.۬۬

BAM!!!  It all came into focus.  Now I understand what all those agencies are doing to us.

I would hope that you are now just as enlightened as I am.

 

Hmmm…

Lost your pen = no pen

No pen = no notes

No notes = no study

No study = Fail

Fail = no diploma

No diploma = no work

No work = no money

No money = no food

No food = you get skinny

You get skinny = then you get ugly

Ugly = no love

No love = no marriage

No marriage = no children

No children = alone

Alone = depression

Depression = sickness

Sickness = death

Lesson: Don’t lose your pen, you will die.

Kitty Week

 

I received these cute kitties in a n email this week and put my own story to it.

I’m not so funny but the kitties will keep you smiling…

 

 

So you wake up in the morning and you decide its time for a little yoga…

You’re still not awake yet but washing needs to be hung…

 

At the office you really don't feel like working…

So you try to clone yourself…

  

and hide in the filing room…

When its time to check your email you crash….

and blame the computer…

at lunch time you stare out the window wishing the afternoon’s work was already done…

And make fun at a friend…

When you eventually arrive home you hang up your coat…

Pack the dry washing away…

and take out the trash…

You go out for a night on the town…

but you end up keeping the toilet company…

instead of working on the weekend….

You hide in a friend’s suitcase…

and relax…

in the sun…

you make a lazy Sunday lunch…

play the guitar…

and watch a little TV chilling on the Lazy Boy…

You cuddle a little with your lover…

and take long naps…

And that’s a good week in the life of a cat…

 

If you have some clean funny pet jokes send them my way… stuffdidoodles@gmail.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lateral Thinking

 

I hope that you are feeling in top shape this morning and are ready to flex your brain muscle!

 

This puzzle is called Lateral Thinking.

Just check it out

Scroll down slowly and be honest to yourself. Think like a wizard;

  man

1. ­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­-----------

board

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Answer: man overboard

Okay, let’s see if you’ve got the hang of it.

stand

2. ---------

   I

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Answer: I understand

OK.. Got the drift?

Let’s see how you fare?

3. /r/e/a/d/i/n/g/

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Answer: reading between the lines

     R
4. Road
     A
     D

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Answer: cross road

Not having a good day now are you? Redeem yourself….

5. cyclecyclecycle

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Answer: Tricycle

Easy to figure out, Ha!

         0

6. ------------------

         M.D.Ph.D.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Answer: two degrees below zero

C’mon give it a little thought!!

Knee

7. ---------

Light

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Answer: neon light (knee – on – light)

I’m sure you’ll have no problem getting this one.

               ground

8. ---------------------------------

    feet feet feet feet feet feet

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Answer: Six feet under ground.

Good one,

Try this!!

9. he’s X himself

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Answer: he’s by himself

Here’s an easy one!!

10. ecnalg

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Answer: Backward Glance

Not even close?!!?

11. death ….. life

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Answer: Life after Death

Okay last chance.

12. THINK

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Answer: Think big!!

The last one is very fun - - -

13 ababaaabbbbaaaabbbbababaabbaaabbbb….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Answer: long time no ‘C’

Now that was fun, wasn’t it?

now that you’ve done your morning brain exercises – go out there and have a super Wednesday.

Mathematical View Point

 

Hi everyone.

I have two new BIG posts that I am working on today. I am waiting for approval for one of the posts and the other is an introduction to my new blog sponsor, Mrs Eastwood, who will be a regular on my blog.
I am very excited to share these with you so today’s post is a quick one so that I can spend some time on these new posts...

It is one of my mom’s BBM’s.
Enjoy, and have a pawsome week.
Love Di xXx

P.S Remember that Romeo’s Wish raffle ends this Wednesday so please share it and Please buy tickets its for an awesome cause…

 

This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint…

It goes like this:

What Makes 100%?

What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here’s a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K

8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

And

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E

11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E

1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T

2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND , look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G

1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it’s the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top