I woke up today with an intense feeling of disappointment and negativity towards humans in general.
Then while reading my live feed I came across this post on one of the pages I “liked” to add some inspiration to my day.
10 nuggets of wisdom to live by:
1) Be kind to yourself
2) Looking good is feeling good inside
3) You weren’t put on this planet to please everybody
4) Expect little but do your best and dream BIG
5) Smiling is healthy
6) Laugh your heart out
7) Live light and right and keep it simple
8) Failure is a good starting point
9) You are blessed and don't forget to say thanks
This really got me thinking.
“1) Be kind to yourself.” - Am I really kind to myself?
As some of you know last year was a pure example of my personal hell. I sat in a meeting with a rude teacher who left me beating myself up over problems that, in the end were easily dealt with. I was told “just love your child” - hmm - there isn’t an inch of me that doesn't love my children. Looking back I wish that I had spoken up and said “Hey! I want the best for my daughter! Now stop being so damned rude and lets fix the problem!”
I had to endure a ballet teacher who had decided it was her life’s mission to make my experience of witnessing my daughter’s talent a living hell. This added to my “beat myself up” sessions.
“2) Looking good is feeling good inside”: – Not really hey! There are two sides to this one. You never really know what happens in another person’s home – just like you really never know what's going on in their minds… Although putting on some make up and wearing a pretty dress, shoes and jewellery can temporarily boost your confidence.
I had “the shock of my life” when my husband had is accident but I donned my strong exterior and helped him. I shed some tears while no one was looking, chased away nightmares of what I witnessed, told myself that this was not the time for weakness, washed my face and once again wore “I’m fine” face.
Recovery is a long process though; it’s not only healing bones, cuts, scrapes and scratches. There are scars deeper than the naked eye can see. It affects every aspect of your family life.
This made me realise that the line “you have no idea what it’s like until you’ve been there” is more realistic than people know.
5) Smiling is healthy – If I hadn’t worn a smile I would never have made it through these tough times.
Last year I may have worn a smile, I may have appeared strong, but inside I was crumbling.
Since the accident my son’s increasing problems with bullies resurfaced and increased until now. We made the decision to send my boy to the school psychologist who agreed to help with coping mechanisms and to come to a conclusion as to why, my son had been seeking attention with negative behaviour. He wanted a meeting with me to get more information so that he could deal with the issue appropriately.
I toddled off to the meeting yesterday after having a bad night of running through scenarios of what this guy might say. I beat myself up again, blamed myself, I had basically told myself that I was a terrible mother and person and the torture on myself continued.
Yes – you guessed it I’m my own worst enemy and critic at times.
4) Expect little but do your best and dream BIG: If you expect little – you may be pleasantly surprised. (I still find myself expecting people to do for me what I have done for them… and find myself horribly disappointed.)
The meeting ended up being really positive. Although we have some issues to work on, this guy – this psychologist guy, actually made me feel better. He was nothing like the rude and nasty teacher from last year who made me question my ability as a mother. He actually gave me a much needed ego boost, while giving me tips on helping my son at home. (Now that's how it should be!) We came to one conclusion that my husband’s pain and recovery has caused my son to question his worth. He is wondering why his dad can’t do the things he used to, and is lashing out because of it. At least now I understand, and we can make things better again one step at a time.
I walked out feeling like I had done my best and now I had a couple of new tools to make my skills even better.
3) You weren’t put on this planet to please everybody – this is something I really need to work on.
Now it comes down to the nitty gritty of my conclusion. Yes – I can’t please everybody, some people just can’t be pleased and others just don't understand.
7) Live light and right and keep it simple
I have decided that I want to concentrate on what's important. If I don't feel like leaving the house on the weekend, I won’t, because I need rest too and just because I can! If someone doesn't understand why I’m making my life simpler, it’s because they – just don't understand – and not because I must try harder. I am doing my best – and that is all that matters.
6) Laugh your heart out: My children are my best source of laughter.
I want to use the line that's stood out to me from the meeting yesterday. I just want to enjoy my children.
8) Failure is a good starting point: I’ve failed myself in the past. I’ve beat myself up, I’ve put my life on hold, I’ve given too much to people undeserving of my time.
9) You are blessed and don't forget to say thanks. Yes I am blessed; I have a heck of a lot to be thankful for. I have created the two most perfect beings on the planet (all moms know this about their kids).
If anything I hope that you will be more sympathetic to others, not mock them for their misgivings, and realise that your life may be easier. Even if your life is hard there is always someone who is worse off than you.
Thank you to my few supporters and confidants who have made these mountains easier to climb. You were a part of the reason why I am not the mess the school psychologist said I should have been. Yip he was surprised that I’m still sane having dealt with all of this and more.