Tough Week

 

Enjoy everyone! its an email I received…

Have a super weekend

x Di

 

It all started this morning

When I made breakfast

For the cranky youngsters And fed the baby a bottle.

I loaded up the kids in the car seat

And took them to daycare & school

I was late for work and

Traffic was a nightmare

My husband called my cell Phone to tell me he got laid Off from his construction job

I got to the office

(I'm a Tech Analyst)

My supervisor chewed me out

For misplacing the mouse

I went out for lunch and

Got caught in the rain

I left work early to pick up

My new glasses (wrong size)

Drove the boys to karate lessons

And the girls to tap & ballet

When we got back home, all

They wanted to do was watch TV

Instead of doing their homework

After much chaos, they took

Their baths, got ready for

Bed and brushed their teeth

I read them their Nightly bedtime story

And they finally went to sleep

I tried doing some aerobics

In the living room

Uh oh, I don't think all the 'fast-food' and exercise is agreeing with me

Now, I think I'm getting a migraine

And a runny nose

I'm pretty certain it's the flu

After a long and gruelling day, I crawled into bed and Was just drifting off when

I realized I had forgotten something

Dear Lord, despite the

Topsy-turvy day I've had,I give thanks to you

For all the blessings you've

Bestowed upon me and my family...

Next week, I'm off to the spa and pool for some much-needed rest and relaxation with my girlfriend

That's how MY life is going....How are things with YOU?

Time to smile

 

A cat's dictionary

Purring: Sound of a cat manufacturing cuteness.

Purrverse: Poem about a strange kitty.

Purranoia: The fear that your cat is up to something.

Human being: Automatic door opener for cats.

Purrpetual: Everlasting love for domesticated felines.

Purrson: A male kitty.

Purrpetual motion: A kitty playing.

How Man Earned Longevity

God created the donkey and told him: you will work tireless from sun up to sun down, carrying heavy bags on your back, you'll eat grass, you will not have intelligence and you will live 50 years. You will be a DONKEY!

The donkey answered: I'll be a donkey, but living 50 years is too much, give me only 20 years. And God gave him 20 years.

God created the dog and told him: You will look after the man's house, you will be his best friend, you will eat whatever they give you and you will live 25 years. You will be a DOG!

The dog answered: God, living 25 years is too much, give only 10. God gave him 10 years.

God created the monkey and told him: You will jump from branch to branch, you will do silly things, you will be amusing and you will live 20 years.

The monkey answered: God, living 20 years is too much, give me only 10 years. And God agreed.

Finally, God created man, and told him: You will be Man, the only rational being on this earth, you will use your intelligence to control other animals, you will dominate the world and you will live for 20 years.

The man answered: God, I'll be man, but living 20 years is not enough, why don't you give me the 30 years that the donkey refused, the 20 years that the dog did not want and the 10 years that the monkey refused.

That was what God did, and since then, Men live 20 years like a man, then he enters adulthood and spends 30 years like a donkey, working and carrying the load on his back, then when his children leave home, spends 15 years like a dog, looking after the house and eating whatever is given to him, then he gets into retirement, and spends 10 years like a monkey, jumping from house to house or from children to children, doing silly things to amuse the grandchildren.

Break out a Smile

These are from my mom – yes my mom!
4 pillars of wisdom to remember
*1. Money can’t buy happiness but...
**somehow, it’s more comfortable to cry in a BMW than on a bicycle…
2. Forgive your enemy, but
**remember the motherf&¥$er’s name.
3. Help a man when he is in trouble & he will remember you
when he is in trouble again.
4. Many people are alive only because
**it’s illegal to shoot them.



Defence Attorney: Will you please state your age?

Little Old Lady: I am 86 years old.

Defence Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?

Little Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

Defence Attorney: Did you know him?

Little Old Lady: No, but he sure was friendly.

Defence Attorney: What happened after he sat down?

Little Old Lady: He started to rub my thigh.

Defence Attorney: Did you stop him?

Little Old Lady: No, I didn't stop him.

Defence Attorney: Why not?

Little Old Lady: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.

Defence Attorney: What happened next?

Little Old Lady: He began to rub my breasts.

Defence Attorney: Did you stop him then?

Little Old Lady: No, I did not stop him.

Defence Attorney: Why not?

Little Old Lady: His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!

Defence Attorney: What happened next?

Little Old Lady: Well, by then, I was feeling so "spicy" that I just laid down and told him "Take me, young man. Take me now!"

Defence Attorney: Did he take you?

Little Old Lady: Hell, no! He just yelled, "April Fool!" And that's when I shot him, the little bastard.



‎​​Only an Indian man can love like this....

Uncle Farooq was involved in a car accident. At the hospital, when he woke, he called for the nurse to tell him what had happened.
I'm very sorry, sir, but you were involved in a very bad car crash".
"Car crash! My BMW! My BM! Is my car all right?" he asked hysterically.
"Sir, your car was destroyed, but that is the least of your worries, you lost your left arm in the crash, and we were unable to save it." she said apologetically
"I lost my arm? oh My Rolex! My Rolex!"
"Sir, please calm down. That is the least of your worries. You are in a very critical condition, but all your family is here to see you".
"My family? My family? Is my whole family here?" "Rehana, are you here?"
"I am here my husband, and I will never leave you".
"Ridwaan, are you here?"
"I am here daddy, and I will never leave you".
"Rubina, are you here?"
"I am here daddy, and I will never leave you."
"Ismail, my child, are you here?"
"I am here daddy, and I will never leave you."
"Well! If all of you are here,
then, WHO THE HELL IS IN THE SHOP??!!"



He's 80, she's 20.
It was the stir of the town when an 80 year old man married a 20 year old girl.After a year of marriage she went into the hospital to give birth.
The nurse came out to congratulate the fellow saying:"This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?"
He answered, "You've got to keep the old motor running."
The following year the young bride gave birth again.
The same nurse said: "You're amazing! How do you do it?"
He again said: "You've got to keep the old motor running."
The same thing happened the next year.
The nurse then said: "Well, well, well!!! You certainly are quite a man!"
He responded again, "You've got to keep that old motor running."
The nurse said: "Well, you better change the oil, this one's black!!

FAIL!! And these two are going to raise a child…














If you have a funny that you would like to share send it to stuffdidoodles@gmail.com
If you like what you see and would like to share it with someone else…. hit one of the share buttons…
These may have only been email and BBM jokes but I took them from MY email to share with you.
Have a Terrific Tuesday!

Something Old / Something New!

Here’s some more funnies I received on BBM, and a little something that I’ve been working on.
I hope this encourages you to be more interactive… 



A little cricket humour

A little known fact

The first testicular guard was used in cricket in 1874

and the first helmet was used in 1974.

It took 100 years for men to realise that their brains could also be important ... 

and Little Johnny... 

A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"
"OK," said Little Johnny. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer al eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
"Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea."
"Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"

Restaurant sign humour.

  




These are my crazy critters around the house.
Just like my kids, they’re a constant source of entertainment!



and they’re both boys… hmmm…



To try and make this space a little more interactive…
Here’s a pic of Stig. What do you guys think he’s saying?



Next time I update with funnies I’ll post the saying I liked the most.
Have fun this week, and don't forget to smile!

P.S. If you're not up to leaving a comment or you just have nothing to say, please click on one of the reaction boxes :)

P.P.S If you like a post or a joke rather direct people to the post rather than stealing it. Today's post may just be my BBM messages but I worked on setting this page up. Thanx

P.P.P.S Thanks to everyone who liked my FB page - HUGS to you!

Di vs ACME Avo

You can't say I'm not a source of laughter.

Today it was me and the avo tree.



a higher avo / Anvil

 I love avo's. I have been eyeing a couple of avo’s on our neighbours’ avo tree which is hanging over our wall for weeks. Today I decided I would try to get them down - No matter what.

My kids and I went outside to decide on our plan of action.
After checking the avo's out for a few minutes, we skatted that the one avo was just low enough for us to reach if we had a long stick.

My son ran off in a hurry to go and find said stick. He came back as quick as he left, with a long branch from one of the palms growing on the complex property.



The palm branch/
ACME gizmo

 I figured that if I gave the avo stalk a hard enough knock with the branch it would break loose and fall. I tried this a couple of times - one-two-three-WHACK! The avo remained super glued to its branch.

I looked at the palm branch again. Ah-ha! It had a hook on one end. So my clever-dick scheme was in place.

Put yourself in the picture here - me - played by Wyle E. Coyote, the Avo - played by the illusive Road Runner...

I reached up into the branches with the hook end of the palm branch. I was overcome with joy as my hook was firmly grasped around the Avo's branch and I pulled it towards me.

My son reached out his hand and tried to grab the Avo. To my absolute horror the branch flung loose and hurtled towards the sky. As gravity would have it the branch returned towards me at top speed flinging the now loose rock-hard avo like an ACME anvil towards... My HEAD!

My kids and I were laughing hysterically even though I now have a large bump on my head.
The Avo or Road Runner - which ever name you'd like to call it - is now wrapped up in newspaper and ripening in a dark cupboard. Soon-to-be-devoured.



P.S. If you're not up to leaving a comment or you just have nothing to say, please click on one of the reaction boxes :)

Enjoy the remainder of the weekend!

Time to laugh again!

I’ve been off my game this week, feeling down in the dumps with a nasty exotic bug, but hey! … School’s out tomorrow and I thought it was time I kicked my butt out of my slump with some laughter!

 

WIFE FROM HELL

A police officer pulls over a speeding car.
The officer says,' I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.'
The driver says, 'Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.’
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: 'Now don't be silly, dear -- you know that this car doesn't have cruise control.’
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, 'Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once !! ?’
The wife smiles demurely and says, 'Well dear you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did or your speed would have been higher.’
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, 'Woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?
'The officer frowns and says, 'And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine.’
The driver says, 'Yeah, well, you see, officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.’
The wife says, 'Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving.’
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and barks, 'WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??’
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, 'Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?'    
       
(I love this part)
'Only when he's been drinking.!!’

Me thinks this has a moral: Don’t piss the wife off! Or else…

The hubby in question may be wanting to buy this product…



Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on beds next to each other, outside the Operating Room.
·        The first kid leans over and asks, 'What are you in here for?'
The second kid says, 'I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous.'
·        The first kid says, 'You've got nothing to worry about.  I had that done when I was four.  They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream.  It's a breeze.'
·        The second kid then asks, 'What are you in here for?'
The first kid says, 'A circumcision.'
·        And the second kid says, 'Whoa, good luck with that one, buddy! I had that done when I was BORN...Couldn't walk for a year.

Late for work?

 

This one is for my friends – you know who you are…



Have a super weekend everyone!