Break out a Smile

These are from my mom – yes my mom!
4 pillars of wisdom to remember
*1. Money can’t buy happiness but...
**somehow, it’s more comfortable to cry in a BMW than on a bicycle…
2. Forgive your enemy, but
**remember the motherf&¥$er’s name.
3. Help a man when he is in trouble & he will remember you
when he is in trouble again.
4. Many people are alive only because
**it’s illegal to shoot them.



Defence Attorney: Will you please state your age?

Little Old Lady: I am 86 years old.

Defence Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?

Little Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

Defence Attorney: Did you know him?

Little Old Lady: No, but he sure was friendly.

Defence Attorney: What happened after he sat down?

Little Old Lady: He started to rub my thigh.

Defence Attorney: Did you stop him?

Little Old Lady: No, I didn't stop him.

Defence Attorney: Why not?

Little Old Lady: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.

Defence Attorney: What happened next?

Little Old Lady: He began to rub my breasts.

Defence Attorney: Did you stop him then?

Little Old Lady: No, I did not stop him.

Defence Attorney: Why not?

Little Old Lady: His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!

Defence Attorney: What happened next?

Little Old Lady: Well, by then, I was feeling so "spicy" that I just laid down and told him "Take me, young man. Take me now!"

Defence Attorney: Did he take you?

Little Old Lady: Hell, no! He just yelled, "April Fool!" And that's when I shot him, the little bastard.



‎​​Only an Indian man can love like this....

Uncle Farooq was involved in a car accident. At the hospital, when he woke, he called for the nurse to tell him what had happened.
I'm very sorry, sir, but you were involved in a very bad car crash".
"Car crash! My BMW! My BM! Is my car all right?" he asked hysterically.
"Sir, your car was destroyed, but that is the least of your worries, you lost your left arm in the crash, and we were unable to save it." she said apologetically
"I lost my arm? oh My Rolex! My Rolex!"
"Sir, please calm down. That is the least of your worries. You are in a very critical condition, but all your family is here to see you".
"My family? My family? Is my whole family here?" "Rehana, are you here?"
"I am here my husband, and I will never leave you".
"Ridwaan, are you here?"
"I am here daddy, and I will never leave you".
"Rubina, are you here?"
"I am here daddy, and I will never leave you."
"Ismail, my child, are you here?"
"I am here daddy, and I will never leave you."
"Well! If all of you are here,
then, WHO THE HELL IS IN THE SHOP??!!"



He's 80, she's 20.
It was the stir of the town when an 80 year old man married a 20 year old girl.After a year of marriage she went into the hospital to give birth.
The nurse came out to congratulate the fellow saying:"This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?"
He answered, "You've got to keep the old motor running."
The following year the young bride gave birth again.
The same nurse said: "You're amazing! How do you do it?"
He again said: "You've got to keep the old motor running."
The same thing happened the next year.
The nurse then said: "Well, well, well!!! You certainly are quite a man!"
He responded again, "You've got to keep that old motor running."
The nurse said: "Well, you better change the oil, this one's black!!

FAIL!! And these two are going to raise a child…














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These may have only been email and BBM jokes but I took them from MY email to share with you.
Have a Terrific Tuesday!